(De)Motivation…

I have a pile of things I want to do… canvases to paint, models to build, books to read and so on, but they haven’t been touched. 

Depression sucks the life out of you at times, sapping all of your energy, so that it takes all of your effort and energy just to make it through the day, watching the clock, and wondering when it would be okay to go to bed.

Today has been one of these days. I was up reasonably early to get to the doctors and then the gym for a planning session, but once I got home again, all I could do was curl up on the bed and go back to sleep. 

We had some people round later to do some work on the house, as we are redecorating downstairs (there’s another whole can of worms/blog post…), and all I could do was stay upstairs out of the way. Depression meant I couldn’t handle interacting with others, so I hid. 

I’ve not been hard on myself though, as mental health can make you, as I realised a day of not doing much apart from reading comics and watching cartoons was what I needed to feel better and be able to tackle the rest of the week. Self-care is really important.

Tomorrow we start putting our new front room together, adding some real character to our home, and over the weekend, most of our new furniture should be put out. We are creating a waram and cosy room where we can read, watch TV, draw, whatever. It will make a huge difference to our life and our health.

But today, we rest…

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My plan kind of worked…

I had a really good idea last night, after deciding to ride to my business networking breakfast 10 miles away. I planned to ride back from networking via the back roads, surrounded by lovely countryside, stop and take photos when I saw something cool and enjoy the ride…

All was well, until I got two miles towards home when my back tyre went completely flat and I had to stop to fix it. No problem I thought, I’ve got all the kit with me, it should only take a minute or two… I found the puncture easily, pumped it up to check were the air was coming out, and whacked a Flypaper patch over it, waited a minute and pumped it up again… You know that moment when you realise you should have marked where the puncture was? Yup, I had stuck the patch in the wrong place, and it was my last one. Oh, and the battery on my phone went “BYE SUCKER!”

So did I walk the 8 miles home or the 2 miles back to Market Harborough where I could get my tyre fixed? I put the back wheel back on my bike and started walking…

Man, that was a LONG two miles. My feet still really hurt now, right in the heels? That is weird…

The folks in the bike shop, George Halls were so cool and really helpful. Not only did they replace the inner tube and check everything was okay, but they let me use their PC so I could email my wife (no phone, remember?) and let her know what had happened and that I was okay. (She does want to keep me safe…) Now that’s customer service.  It was also cool as both of the lads working in the shop are BMXers, so we chatted about bikes and riding whilst my bike was sorted.

I stopped off for a coffee and a muffin before riding home, really enjoying the ride and being back on bike after far too long. It was also great fun skipping back through some muddy fields close to home too… getting my cyclocross vibes in!

The day was still about exploring (physically and mentally), as the riding was great fun, and I made an extra special effort to be nice to folks, paying attention to kindness and consideration shown by others. Its not hard, and making others happy makes you feel happy too. Try it, its a lovely feeling.

Oh, and I made sure I bought 2 lots of Flypaper patches…

Back to home Back to Lubenham

Just be.

There’s no agenda to this post. It just is, as am I. Over the last few weeks, I have been talking to myself and getting to know what and who I am. I have been learning about what makes me me, and what is important to me.

When you start looking at all this emotional, mental, psychological and physical ‘junk’ that makes up what and who we are, you learn that not a lot actually matters. People, animals, education and creativity are my key components. Everything outside of that is irrelevant. Sure we need to eat and drink to live, but you do not have to gorge on luxurious food and fine wine to survive. We like our stuff, good food and drink, music, books, clothes, shoes, etc. but you don’t need them to truly experience life.

I’m not saying that we should all give up comfort and live a selfless life, caring more for others than ourselves, though a little more self-awareness, empathy and compassion is never a bad thing.

Thank you for listening.